Violins have always been the butt of jokes since first violas came into existence. Viola jokes were popular in the 18th century and according to WikiPedia, may have originated from an earlier time in which part of the viola was simpler because it served a more “filler” role. Despite this, musicians took a liking to viola jokes during that time period. I’ve had to listen to a lot of jokes about violas in my life, which hasn’t really gotten any funnier over the years.
The Strad has given a lot of information about this article and while we don’t know the history of the viola jokes, it would be great if somebody did! We hope to contain here a running list of all the best viola jokes. Don’t forget to leave a comment with your thoughts.
Top Viola Jokes
These jokes typically come from the musical instrument Viola. This sense of humor also spreads to the violist and Viola fun. And violas have been around for a while, so jokes of course moved to them. One famous 18th century Italian joke is…
Businesses have been making jokes in the news since then, but that wasn’t as humorous or cheesy as these new jokes are. These jokes come in different forms and range from clean and simple to confusing and pasty. Musicians who are musically talented might be able to get away with using this one-liner but you should remember that it’s impossible to perform without knowledge of how the instrument sounds, what notes can be made with each key, or all the different chords. Others will need professional level knowledge of music and various instruments in order for this to work.
As with most viola jokes, some are meant for the player of this stringed instrument. Some of them make fun of viola fans as well. Some focus on viola players because they’re apparently very similar in form and function to many other instruments.
1. What’s the difference between a viola and a coffin? The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
2. How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando? Mark it “solo.”
3. Once upon a time there was a hospital where they made brain transplants. A client asked about the prices.The doctor said, ” Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000…this brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000…oh yes, here we a violist’s brain as well. It costs $50000.”The client asked, “What? How’s that possible?”The doctor replied, “You see, it’s totally unused.”
4. How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune? Shoot 11 of them.
5. How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune? Shoot all of them.
6. How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune? Who the hell wants a dozen violists?
7. Why is viola called “bratsche” in Germany? Because that’s the sound it makes when you sit down on it.
8. How is a viola like a lawsuit? Everyone’s happy when the case is closed.
9. Bank robber walks into a bank with a violin case and yells “Give me all the money! I have a gun in there!”Bank robber walks into a bank with a viola case and says “Give me all the money! I have a viola in there!
10. How does a violist’s brain cell die? Alone.
11. How do you transcribe a violin piece for viola? Divide the metronome marking by 2.
12. How do you stop a violist from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
13. How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune? The bow is moving.
14. What’s the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a crushed viola on the road? There are skid marks before the skunk.
15. What is the difference between a radio and a viola? A radio plays music.
16. What is the difference between a viola and an onion? No one cries when you chop up a viola.
17. What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
18. Why do you always bury a viola player three feet under? Because deep down they are all very nice people.
19. Why do violists have pea-sized brains? Because alcohol has swelled them.
20. One day Timmy came home from school very excited.
“Mommy, Mommy, Guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around ‘P’!”
“His mother said, “Very good, dear. That’s because you’re a violist.”
The next day, Timmy was even more excited. “Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!”
“Very good, dear,” his mother replied. “That’s because you’re a violist.”
On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. “Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I’m the tallest one in my class! Is that because I’m a violist?”
“No dear,” she said. “That’s because you’re 26 years old.”
21. What’s the only thing a violinist can do better than a violist? Play the viola.
22. How do you tune a viola? No one’s ever bothered to find out.
23. What do you call 1,000 violists buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
24. A noted bon vivant and comic was recently flying to Berlin. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seatmate. “I’ve got a great violist joke. Would you like to hear it?” “I should let you know first that I am a violist”. “That’s OK. I’ll tell it real slow!”
25. What’s another name for viola auditions? Scratch lottery.
26. What do you call a bunch of violists in a hot tub? Vegetable soup.
27. How many violists does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies? Ten. One to stir the batter and nine to peel the M & M’s.
28. How do you call a violist with two brain cells? Pregnant.
29. What’s the latest crime wave in New York City? Drive-by viola recitals.
30. What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute? Both are paid to fake climaxes.
31. How does a violist’s brain cell die? Alone.
32. Why did the violist marry the accordion player? Upward mobility.
33. Conductor: “Start three measures before the da capo.” Principal violist: “Hold on! We don’t have measure numbers.”
34. Why do so many people take an instant dislike to Viola players? Why wait; It saves so much time.
35. Why don’t violists play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them.
36. How do you get a viola player out of a tree? Cut the rope!
37. What’s the difference between a violist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching.
38. What’s the difference between a viola and a lawnmower? You can tune the lawnmower.
39. What’s the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A few people actually like terrorists; Their mothers.
40. What do you call a violist that’s bad at playing the viola? A violist.
41. Why are violas larger than violins? They’re not; It’s an optical illusion. Viola players have small heads.
42. What’s the difference between a violin and viola? Violas burn longer.
43. And do you know WHY the viola burns longer? It’s usually still in the case.
44. What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a viola? The viola is always sharp.
45. What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a viola? A chainsaw has a better chance at blending a string quartet.
46. What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a Viola? The law doesn’t require a DANGER: MAY CAUSE INJURYwarning label on a viola.
47. What’s the difference between a violist and a prostitute? A prostitute keeps better tempo.
48. What’s the difference between a violin and a viola? The viola holds more beer.
49. What’s the ideal weight for a professional viola player? About 20 ounces – not counting the urn.
50. What’s the most effective male birth control method? Tell the girl he plays the viola.
51. What’s the difference between a viola and fingernails scraping on a blackboard? Vibrato.
52. What’s the difference between a viola player and Doctor Scholl’s Footpads? Doctor Scholl’s bucks up the feet: A viola player … OK, we’re not going to go there. This website has a family rating.
53. What’s the difference between a viola player and a lawnmower? The exhaust smells different.
54. What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common? They’re both offensive and inaccurate.
55. What do you call a viola player with half a brain? Gifted.
56. A violist forgot to lock his car with his viola on the back seat. When he came back, there were two more.
57. Why do violists make effective rapists? It’s hard to fight back when you’ve got your hands over your ears.
58. What’s the range of a viola? 35 yards if you’ve got a good arm.
59. How do you get two viola players to play in tune? Shoot one of them.
60. What do you call two viola players playing in unison? Counterpoint.
61. How can you tell that a viola player has died? The violinists have hopeful looks on their faces.
62. What does a Viola section sound like underwater? A good idea.
63. What’s the last thing a violist does before walking on stage for a concert? Looks for his instrument.
64. What’s the difference between a class of deaf students and a symphony viola section? The violists have a pension plan.
65. How do you know there’s a group of viola players at your door? None of them can find the key.
66. What is the first sound you hear after the conductor yells, “Bratsche?” The concertmaster saying, “Gesundheit.”
67. Why are orchestral concert intermissions only 15 minutes long? So the violists won’t forget where the stage is.
68. How can you make a violin sound more like a viola? Sit in the back row and just pretend to play.
69. How can you make a violin sound more like a viola? Play only on the G string and miss a lot of notes.
70. Did you hear about the violist who played so out of tune even the rest of the viola section could tell? (Just kidding. That could never happen.)
71. Who makes the best viola mutes? Smith & Wesson.
72. What’s the famous viola players’ credo? It’s far better to play a little sharp than to play out of tune.”
73. How does a composer create an orchestral glissando effect? Write a 16th note run for the violas.
74. What’s the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
75. One day at a symphony rehearsal, there was a commotion in the back of the viola section. Conductor: “Hey, what’s the problem back there?” Last chair violist: “The trumpet player behind me bumped my peg box with his horn and knocked one string loose.” Conductor: “Well, why don’t you just tune it up again?” Violist: “He won’t tell me which one he hit.”
Be sensitive as you workout. There are some musicians and instrumentalists who love every aspect of their instrument and would be devastated if you destroyed it. Likewise, viola players might not appreciate someone smashing an old one out of spite.
You should try at least 3 jokes on them. But avoid using any other kind of humor during your normal conversations with them. People need to laugh and be able to smile sometimes, it’s better than being miserable the entire time.
FAQ for Best Viola Jokes
Why viola jokes?
A few years ago, I was complaining about the jokes some people make with violas. There were some that were undeniably hilarious and others had humor but those weren’t for everyone. But why are these jokes printed so much?
Violinists have a hard time digesting violas right now because the breed is so overlooked in their current society. More often than not, people who fail in the violin section end up being violists. And as such, they’re commonly associated with setbacks.
Voilas are a type of musician that create a lot of variety. The pitch quality is comparable to violins, but the viola falls far short of creating perfect pitches. This is a great example of how being put in the shadows has made something popular among jokes.
Why viola jokes funny?
Violin jokes are the center point of what is funny on the classic instruments, such as violins and pianos. Some jokes are so hilarious they have made you laugh hysterically.
So are viola jokes funny? Absolutely! Give it a try and you’ll love them for good. These jokes combine general knowledge we have about things with the character of a viola or its player. These create some of the best jokes on Reddit/Tumblr.
Who should them viola jokes?
You may have noticed that some jokes might be family friendly and that you could use them on children or adults, but there are different levels of understanding for different joke types. Kids might use jokes that are easiest for them to understand. These types of jokes provide clean humor, have a silly tone, and often don’t go too deep.
The following jokes are basic. Some people may find them corny and cheesy, which is not necessarily a negative trait. It’s important to take caution when saying them aloud in order to provide a good atmosphere for your party or guests.
The next diverse form of these puns is clean one-liner jokes for musical instrument experts! These need knowledge of musical instruments in advance if you’re going to get them.
What can you learn viola jokes from?
There’s a lot of fun and excitement to be found in all moments, no matter if you’re feeling good or bad. Just search for a different perspective and potential opportunities will come your way. Some people were joking and finding fun ways to poke fun at violas. It really built a curiosity in people who wanted to find out what a viola was.